A Quick Test To Evaluate Your Marriage.



Psalm 26:2 (NASB) says “Examine me, O Lord, and try me; Test my mind and my heart.”

BEFORE TAKING THIS QUICK TEST,
PLEASE HEED THESE TWO WARNINGS:

1. We encourage you to share this test with your spouse. But, if you are currently having tensions in your marriage, don’t take this test together or discuss your conclusions except in the presence of a wise Christian pastor or marriage counselor.

2. As you reply, concentrate on yourself, not on your spouse.

IF YOU TRULY DESIRE A SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE,
ASK YOURSELF THE FOLLOWING QUESTIONS:

1. Are you patient with your spouse (when he/she is doing something they really enjoy like shopping or playing golf, etc,)?

2. Are you kind to him/her with your tongue? (Or do you put him/her down face to face or behind their back?)

3. Are you jealous or envious of your spouse? (Is there any freedom or success of his/hers that you resent?)

4. Are you “boastful” (loud-mouthed)? (Do you shout angrily at your spouse when you are frustrated?)

5. Are you proud (vain)? (Do you feel that the world should revolve around you?)

6. Are you haughty, selfish or rude? (Blunt words often have the sharpest edges. Do you cut your spouse off in mid sentence to fire back a blunt word or unkind statement? Do you constantly interrupt him/her? Do you ever tell him/ her to shut up or swear at them?)

7. Do you always demand your own way? (Is your idea of marriage a master-slave relationship? Or a parent-child relationship, where your spouse ought to do everything for you?)

8. Are you irritable or touchy? (How do you speak to your spouse when he/she interrupts your point of concentration? Do you lose your temper, or do you give him/her the attention they need? How much of your body language shows him/her your disapproval of lack of love?)

9. Do you refuse to forgive your spouse when he/she sins against you (commits adultery, etc.)? Matthew 6:14-15 (NASB) says “For if you forgive others for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions.”

10. Are you ever glad (secretly or otherwise) when your spouse is treated unfairly? (Are you ever happy at the thought of your spouse having an unpleasant experience that “serves him/her right”?)

11. Are you glad when truth wins out? (Do you accept the fact that he/she might be right about some things, and you might be wrong? How do you feel when that happens?

12. Are you loyal to your spouse? (Do you flirt with others or pay any attention to their flirting with you? Are you allowing any other human or things to shove your spouse into second place?)

13. Do you always trust your spouse and believe he/she will do the right thing? If “No”, you need to have a serious discussion and establish some rules.

14. Do you always stand your ground in defense of your spouse? (Do you quickly order your children, regardless of their age, to apologize if they are rude to your spouse? Do you ever let anyone talk negatively about your spouse without defending him/her?)

DANGER – ROUGH ROAD AHEAD!

15. Do you discuss your anger toward your spouse or details of your intimate relationship with your spouse with others (parents, siblings, girlfriend, buddies, etc.)? If you are doing this, stop it now!

Why? Because you and your spouse may have had a heated argument or fight and have made up but, because you told these others, they will still be angry at your spouse and may continue to make negative statements about him/her. Then, you’ll become angry with them every time they say something negative about your spouse.

Your anger with your spouse or details of your intimate relationship should only be discussed with your spouse, God, or a wise Christian pastor or marriage counselor, if necessary.

THE END RESULT

If you have taken this “Quick Test”, been honest with your answers, and made the appropriate changes, you will be on your way to having a much happier spouse, greatly improving your marriage, and more peace in your home.

In our next post, we will present 12 Communication Guidelines for a successful marriage.

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12 Communication Guidelines For A Better Marriage.



1. Be A Ready Listener And Do Not Respond Until Your Spouse Has Finished Talking.

Proverbs 18:13 (NIV) says “To answer before listening—that is folly and shame.”

2. Check For Understanding.

If you do not fully understand what your spouse has said, repeat back to him/her what you think he/she said and ask them to clarify their statement.

3. Be Slow To Speak. Think First. Don’t Be Hasty In Your Answers. Speak In Such A Way That Your Spouse Can Understand And Accept What You Say.

Proverbs 15:23 (NIV) says “A person finds joy in giving an apt reply—and how good is a timely word!”

Proverbs 15:28 (NIV) says “The heart of the righteous weighs its answers, but the mouth of the wicked gushes evil.”

Proverbs 21:23 (NIV) says “Those who guard their mouths and their tongues keep themselves from calamity.”

Proverbs 29:20 (NIV) says “Do you see someone who speaks in haste? There is more hope for a fool than for them.”

James 1:19 (NIV) says “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”

4. Speak The Truth Always But Do It In Love. Do Not Exaggerate.

Ephesians 4:15 (NIV) says “Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.”

Ephesians 4:25 (NIV) says “Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body.”

Colossians 3:9 (NIV) says “Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices.”

5. Do Not Use Silence To Frustrate Your Spouse. Explain Why You Are Hesitant To Talk At This Time.

Being silent is not always bad. You may want to be silent to keep from saying something that you shouldn’t and later, would regret.

6. Do Not Become Involved In Quarrels. It Is Possible To Disagree Without Quarreling.

Proverbs 17:14 (NIV) says “Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out.”

Proverbs 20:3 (NIV) says “It is to one’s honor to avoid strife, but every fool is quick to quarrel.”

7. Do Not Respond In Anger. Use A Soft And Kind Response.

Proverbs 14:29 (NIV) says “Whoever is patient has great understanding, but one who is quick-tempered displays folly.”

Proverbs 15:1 (NIV) says “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

Proverbs 25:15 (NIV) says “Through patience a ruler can be persuaded, and a gentle tongue can break a bone.”

Proverbs 29:11 (NIV) says “Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end.”

Ephesians 4:26 (NIV) says “In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.”

Ephesians 4:31 (NIV) says “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.”

8. When You Are Wrong, Admit It And Ask For Forgiveness.

James 5:16 (NIV) says “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.”

9. Avoid Nagging.

Proverbs 10:19 (NIV) says “Sin is not ended by multiplying words, but the prudent hold their tongues.”

Proverbs 17:9 (NIV) says “Whoever would foster love covers over an offense, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.”

Proverbs 20:5 (NIV) says “The purposes of a person’s heart are deep waters, but one who has insight draws them out.”

10. Do Not Blame Or Criticize Your Spouse But Restore Them, Encourage Them And Edify Them.

Galatians 6:1 (NIV) says “Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted.”

1 Thessalonians 5:11 (NIV) says “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.”

11. Try To Understand Your Spouse's Opinion.  Make Allowances For Differences. Be Concerned About Their Interests.


Philippians 2:1-4 (NIV) says “Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”

Ephesians 4:2 (NIV) says “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.”

12. Avoid Bringing Up Past Offenses, Mistakes Or Sins That Are Not Relevant To The Current Issue.

A good, clean, respectful, focused disagreement can do wonders for your marriage by helping you solve problems, understand each other, get through difficult situations, and become aware of your own individual shortcomings and blind spots. Grossly over/under-stating or distorting the issue can be toxic and very damaging to your marriage!

If You Are Faithful In Following These Communication Guidelines, You Can Expect To Have A Long, Successful And Very Rewarding Marriage.

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5 Keys For Successfully Resolving Conflicts.



By:  Bill and Teddy Rogers

All of us have had or, if we live long enough, will have conflicts in our personal relationships.  How we handle and resolve these conflicts is very important.

James 1:19 says “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”

Here are the 5 keys needed to successfully resolve most of your conflicts.

KEY # 1: BE QUICK TO LISTEN

When we listen, we encourage the other person to talk.  Listening also helps us to understand the other person and where they are coming from.

Many of us do not really listen like we should because we are defensive, we assume we already know what they are going to say next, or we're thinking about what we're going to say back to them.

During A Conflict, Here Is What You Should Do:

  • Listen not merely with your ears, but observe and listen with your eyes;
  • Focus on what the other person is saying, not what you are thinking;
  • Consider the meaning behind the words without jumping to conclusions. 
      
    Note:  If you are not sure what you think they said, replay their statement back to them.
KEY # 2: BE SLOW TO SPEAK

God gave us two ears and one mouth. This may mean that we are to listen more and speak a whole lot less.

Here Are 4 Scriptures That Tell Us To
Limit What We Say During A Conflict.

Proverbs 10:19 says “In the multitude of words sin is not lacking, but he who restrains his lips is wise.”

Proverbs 17:27 says “He who has knowledge spares his words, and a man of understanding is of a calm spirit.”

Proverbs 21:23 says “Whoever guards his mouth and tongue keeps his soul from troubles.”

Ecclesiastes 5:3 says “For a dream comes through much activity, and a fool’s voice is known by his many words.”

KEY # 3: BE SLOW TO BECOME ANGRY

Ecclesiastes 7:9 says “Do not hasten in your spirit to be angry, for anger rests in the bosom of fools.”

Proverbs 16:32 says “He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.”

Ephesians 4:26 says “Be angry, and do not sin: do not let the sun go down on your wrath.”

Proverbs 29:22 says “An angry man stirs up strife, and a furious man abounds in transgression.”

Remember, words spoken in anger are very difficult if not impossible to retract.  Keep your words soft and sweet, you may have to eat them!

KEY # 4: BE LOVING AND KIND

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 says “Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”

You will never resolve any conflict by playing destructive games. Please don't ever do the following:

  • Blame the other person;
  • Think you know everything about the other person;
  • Insist that every detail be correct;
  • Rule by force – verbal or physical;
  • Compare the other person to someone else;
  • Act superior or “holier than thou”;
  • Bring up past conflicts that have nothing do do with the current conflict.

Key # 5: ATTEMPT TO SET THE STAGE BEFORE YOUR CONFLICT

  • Never have your conflict before eating a meal, going to church or a social event.
  • Never have your conflict when you or the other person are angry.
  • Have it in the right place when only the participants are involved ( never in front of children ).
  • Stay in control of your tone of voice.

Obviously, there are exceptions to the above, but if you use these 5 Keys and use them wisely, you should be able to successfully resolve most of your conflicts.
 
Finally,  do you know for sure where you are going when you die? Are you ready?  Please click on "God's Free Gift" Page to find out.
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Are You Guilty Of Any Of The 7 Deadly Sins?



By:  Bill and Teddy Rogers


1. Anger – A strong passion or emotion of displeasure caused by a sense of injury or insult, usually antagonistic and excited and directed toward a person, event, or situation.

Psalm 37:8 says “Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil.”

2. Envy Or Covetousness – Being discontented or resentful or longing after the good fortune of another. Wanting what someone else has.

Proverbs 14:30 says “A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones.”

James 3:16 says “For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.”

3. Sloth (Laziness) – Being Idle or Unwilling to work. Also includes Indifference and an “I Don't Care Attitude”.

Proverbs 19:15 says “Laziness brings on deep sleep, and the shiftless go hungry.”

Ecclesiastes 10:18 says “Through laziness, the rafters sag; because of idle hands, the house leaks.”

4. Greed – A desire to acquire things beyond reason. Many people are chasing the almighty dollar and wanting more power, prestige, and position while ignoring family, friends, and other responsibilities.

Ephesians 5:5 says “For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person—such a person is an idolater—has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.”

5. Lust – A natural sexual instinct or sinful desire that's gotten off track. Lust is rampant in our American culture. Pornography is now a $7 to $8 Billion Dollar Industry in the United States alone.

Matthew 5:28 says “But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”

6. Gluttony– Excessive Eating or Drinking. Many of us are eating and drinking too much and are literally killing ourselves with clogged arteries, high blood pressure and cholesterol, obesity, and other self inflicted infirmities. Examples: eating fried and other foods that we know are bad for us and drinking too much coke and other beverages containing way too much sugar.

Proverbs 23:21 says “For drunkards and gluttons become poor, and drowsiness clothes them in rags.”

7. Pride – Having an excessively high opinion of our self and being conceited. This is the most deadly sin of all because it makes us want to appear wiser, smarter, bigger, better, richer, finer, and more righteous than we really are. Some people, in an attempt to appear better off than they really are, have a bunch of credit cards all maxed out and, in reality, are completely broke.

Proverbs 16:18 says “Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall”.

Ask God to search your heart and reveal any sins that you just don't want to own up to.

Finally, do you know for sure where you are going when you die? Are you ready?    Please click on "God's Free Gift" Page to find out. 

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Use Your “Exousia” And “Dunamis”!



WHAT IS “EXOUSIA”?
“Exousia”, as used in the Bible, is a Greek word most often translated as “authority”.” It is especially used in terms of moral influence. “Exousia” can also be thought of in terms of jurisdiction or dominion over a certain realm, right, privilege, or ability.
Matthew 28:18 (NIV) says “Then Jesus came to them and said, ‘All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me.’”
Luke 10:19 (NIV) says “I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you.”
John 1:12 (NIV) says “Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God”
Romans 13:1 (NIV) says “Let everyone be subject to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God.”
Colossians 2:15 (NIV) says “And having disarmed the powers and authorities, he made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them by the cross.”
Revelation 1:18 (NIV) says “I am the Living One; I was dead, and now look, I am alive for ever and ever! And I hold the keys of death and Hades.”
WHAT IS “DUNAMIS”?
“Dunamis”, as used in the Bible, is a Greek word used 120 times in the New Testament. Loosely, “Dunamis” refers to “strength, power, or ability.” It is the root word of our English words dynamite, dynamo and dynamic.
Luke 5:17 (NIV) says “One day Jesus was teaching, and Pharisees and teachers of the law were sitting there. They had come from every village of Galilee and from Judea and Jerusalem. And the power of the Lord was with Jesus to heal the sick.”
Acts 1:8 (NIV) says “But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.”
John 19:10 (NIV) says “Do you refuse to speak to me?” Pilate said. ‘Don’t you realize I have power either to free you or to crucify you?’”
1 Corinthians 15:24 (NIV) says “Then the end will come, when he hands over the kingdom to God the Father after he has destroyed all dominion, authority and power.”
2 Corinthians 13:4 (NIV) says “For to be sure, he was crucified in weakness, yet he lives by God’s power. Likewise, we are weak in him, yet by God’s power we will live with him in our dealing with you.”
Ephesians 3:20-21 (NIV) says “Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.”
THINK ABOUT THE FOLLOWING:
* Am I allowing the Lord to work His power in me?
* Am I obstructing His working through me to others?
* What am I doing to clog up the works?

If we have this dynamite power in us, is it efficiently working? If our pipes, so to speak, are clogged with sin of whatever kind, it acts as sludge to contaminate His presence, and His power will not flow. We must be cleansed and filled with God’s holiness for His miracle-working power to be operative in us.
ASK YOURSELF THIS QUESTION:
IS HIS DYNAMITE POWER WORKING EFFICIENTLY IN ME?
* What works go undone?
* What wounds of others go unattended?
* What heartaches of others go uncomforted?
* What needs of others go unmet because I do not listen to the Lord’s leading or I harbor some sin, thereby, not allowing Him to work efficiently through me?
Luke 9:1 (NIV) says “When Jesus had called the Twelve together, he gave them power and authority to drive out all demons and to cure diseases.”

When Jesus sent out the disciples, He gave them “power and authority” over demons, to preach the kingdom, and to heal the sick. The Greek word used here for power is, again, dunamis. Exousia is the word used for authority and also means privilege, force, mastery, token of control, delegated influence, jurisdiction, and so on.
That same power and delegated influence has been given to us, if Christ lives in us. Isn’t that an awesome thought? If we are “a dwelling place of God in the Spirit,” then His living power and energy resides within us, working as we agree with Him to accomplish His works.
Ephesians 2:22 (NIV) says “And in him you too are being built together to become a dwelling in which God lives by his Spirit.”
Oh, if only we could begin to grasp the magnitude of His dynamite power and allowed Him full reign in our hearts, how much immeasurably more could we do for the Lord?
“Lord, I am Yours to command. Cleanse me of all that would hinder the flow of Your love, Your Spirit, and Your dynamite-power. Work Your will in me that I may bring glory to Your Name and be a reflection of Your mighty power, love, and grace to others. Amen!”
 
Do you know for sure where you are going when you die? Are you ready?  Please click on "God's Free Gift" Page to find out.
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