By:
Bill and Teddy Rogers
All
of us have had or, if we live long enough, will have conflicts in our
personal relationships. How we handle and resolve these conflicts is
very important.
James
1:19 (NIV) says “My
dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be
quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”
Here
are the 5 keys needed to successfully resolve most of your conflicts.
KEY
# 1: BE QUICK TO LISTEN
When
we listen, we encourage the other person to talk. Listening
also helps us to understand the other person and where they are
coming from.
Many
of us do not really listen like we should because we are defensive,
we assume we already know what they are going to say next, or we're
thinking about what we're going to say back to them.
During
A Conflict, Here Is What You Should Do:
-
Listen not merely with your ears, but observe and listen with your eyes;
-
Focus on what the other person is saying, not what you are thinking;
-
Consider the meaning behind the words without jumping to conclusions.
Note:
If you are not sure what you think they said, replay their
statement back to them.
KEY
# 2: BE SLOW TO SPEAK
God
gave us two ears and one mouth. This may mean that we are to listen
more and speak a whole lot less.
Here
Are 4 Scriptures That Tell Us To Limit What We Say During A Conflict.
Proverbs
10:19 (NIV) says “Sin
is not ended by multiplying words, but the prudent hold their
tongues.”
Proverbs
17:27 (NIV) says “The
one who has knowledge uses words with restraint, and whoever has
understanding is even-tempered.”
Proverbs
21:23 (NIV) says “Those
who guard their mouths and their tongues keep themselves from
calamity.”
Ecclesiastes
5:3 (NIV) says “A
dream comes when there are many cares, and many words mark the speech
of a fool.”
KEY
# 3: BE SLOW TO BECOME ANGRY
Ecclesiastes
7:9 (NIV) says “Do
not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap
of fools.”
Proverbs
16:32 (NIV) says “Better
a patient person than a warrior, one with self-control than one who
takes a city.”
Ephesians
4:26 (NIV) says
“’In
your anger do not sin’: Do not let the sun go down while you are
still angry.”
Proverbs
29:22 (NIV) says “An
angry person stirs up conflict, and a hot-tempered person commits
many sins.”
Remember:
Words spoken in anger are very difficult if not impossible to
retract. Keep your words soft and sweet, you may have to eat them!
KEY
# 4: BE LOVING AND KIND
1
Corinthians 13:4-7 (NIV) says “Love
is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is
not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it
is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not
delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects,
always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”
You
will never resolve any conflict by playing destructive games.
Never
Do The Following:
-
Blame the other person;
-
Think you know everything about the other person;
-
Insist that every detail be correct;
-
Rule by force – verbal or physical;
-
Compare the other person to someone else;
-
Act superior or “holier than thou”;
-
Bring up past conflicts that have nothing do do with the current conflict.
KEY
# 5: ATTEMPT TO SET THE STAGE
BEFORE
YOUR CONFLICT
-
Never have your conflict before eating a meal, going to church or a social event;
-
Never have your conflict when you or the other person are angry;
-
Have it in the right place when only the participants are involved ( never in front of children );
-
Stay in control of your tone of voice.
Obviously,
there are exceptions to all of the above, but if you use these 5 Keys
and use them wisely, you should be able to successfully resolve most
of your conflicts.
End
Of Post
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