By: Bill and Teddy Rogers
All of us have had or, if we live long enough, will have conflicts in our personal relationships. How we handle and resolve these conflicts is very important.
James
1:19 says
“My
dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be
quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”
Here
are the 5 keys needed to successfully resolve
most of your conflicts.
KEY
# 1: BE QUICK TO LISTEN
When
we listen, we encourage the other person to talk. Listening
also helps us to understand the other person and where they are
coming from.
Many
of us do not really listen like we should because we are defensive,
we assume we already know what they are going to say next, or we're
thinking about what we're going to say back to them.
During
A Conflict, Here Is What You Should Do:
- Listen not merely with your ears, but observe and listen with your eyes;
- Focus on what the other person is saying, not what you are thinking;
- Consider the meaning behind the words without jumping to conclusions.Note: If you are not sure what you think they said, replay their statement back to them.
KEY
# 2: BE SLOW TO SPEAK
God
gave us two ears and one mouth. This may mean that we are to listen
more and speak a whole lot less.
Here
Are 4 Scriptures That Tell Us To
Limit
What We Say During A Conflict.
Proverbs
10:19 says
“In
the multitude of words sin is not lacking, but he who restrains his
lips is
wise.”
Proverbs
17:27 says
“He
who has knowledge spares his words, and a man of understanding is of
a calm spirit.”
Ecclesiastes
5:3 says
“For
a dream comes through much activity, and a fool’s voice is known by
his many words.”
KEY
# 3: BE SLOW TO BECOME ANGRY
Ecclesiastes
7:9 says
“Do
not hasten in your spirit to be angry, for anger rests in the bosom
of fools.”
Proverbs
16:32 says
“He
who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his
spirit than he who takes a city.”
Remember,
words spoken in anger are very difficult if not impossible to
retract. Keep your words soft and sweet, you may have to eat them!
KEY
# 4: BE LOVING AND KIND
1
Corinthians 13:4-7 says
“Love
suffers long and
is
kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed
up;
does
not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no
evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears
all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all
things.”
You
will never resolve any conflict by playing destructive games. Please
don't ever do the following:
- Blame the other person;
- Think you know everything about the other person;
- Insist that every detail be correct;
- Rule by force – verbal or physical;
- Compare the other person to someone else;
- Act superior or “holier than thou”;
- Bring up past conflicts that have nothing do do with the current conflict.
Key
# 5: ATTEMPT TO SET THE STAGE BEFORE YOUR CONFLICT
- Never have your conflict before eating a meal, going to church or a social event.
- Never have your conflict when you or the other person are angry.
- Have it in the right place when only the participants are involved ( never in front of children ).
- Stay in control of your tone of voice.
Obviously,
there are exceptions to the above, but if you use these 5 Keys and
use them wisely, you should be able to successfully resolve most of
your conflicts.
End Of Post