5 Keys For Successfully Resolving Personal Relationship Conflicts.


By: Bill and Teddy Rogers

All of us have had or, if we live long enough, will have conflicts in our personal relationships. How we handle and resolve these conflicts is very important.

James 1:19 (NIV) says My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”

Here are the 5 keys needed to successfully resolve most of your conflicts.

KEY # 1: BE QUICK TO LISTEN

When we listen, we encourage the other person to talk. Listening also helps us to understand the other person and where they are coming from.

Many of us do not really listen like we should because we are defensive, we assume we already know what they are going to say next, or we're thinking about what we're going to say back to them.

During A Conflict, Here Is What You Should Do:

  • Listen not merely with your ears, but observe and listen with your eyes;
  • Focus on what the other person is saying, not what you are thinking;
  • Consider the meaning behind the words without jumping to conclusions.

Note: If you are not sure what you think they said, replay their statement back to them.

KEY # 2: BE SLOW TO SPEAK

God gave us two ears and one mouth. This may mean that we are to listen more and speak a whole lot less.

Here Are 4 Scriptures That Tell Us To Limit What We Say During A Conflict.

Proverbs 10:19 (NIV) says Sin is not ended by multiplying words, but the prudent hold their tongues.”

Proverbs 17:27 (NIV) says The one who has knowledge uses words with restraint, and whoever has understanding is even-tempered.”

Proverbs 21:23 (NIV) says Those who guard their mouths and their tongues keep themselves from calamity.”

Ecclesiastes 5:3 (NIV) says A dream comes when there are many cares, and many words mark the speech of a fool.”

KEY # 3: BE SLOW TO BECOME ANGRY

Ecclesiastes 7:9 (NIV) says Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools.”

Proverbs 16:32 (NIV) says Better a patient person than a warrior, one with self-control than one who takes a city.”

Ephesians 4:26 (NIV) says “’In your anger do not sin’: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.”

Proverbs 29:22 (NIV) says An angry person stirs up conflict, and a hot-tempered person commits many sins.”

Remember: Words spoken in anger are very difficult if not impossible to retract. Keep your words soft and sweet, you may have to eat them!

KEY # 4: BE LOVING AND KIND

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (NIV) says Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

You will never resolve any conflict by playing destructive games.

Never Do The Following:

  • Blame the other person;
  • Think you know everything about the other person;
  • Insist that every detail be correct;
  • Rule by force – verbal or physical;
  • Compare the other person to someone else;
  • Act superior or “holier than thou”;
  • Bring up past conflicts that have nothing do do with the current conflict.

KEY # 5: ATTEMPT TO SET THE STAGE
BEFORE YOUR CONFLICT

  • Never have your conflict before eating a meal, going to church or a social event;
  • Never have your conflict when you or the other person are angry;
  • Have it in the right place when only the participants are involved ( never in front of children );
  • Stay in control of your tone of voice.

Obviously, there are exceptions to all of the above, but if you use these 5 Keys and use them wisely, you should be able to successfully resolve most of your conflicts.

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