NOTE:
This
is a Guest Post used with permission from Denise
Rezsonya
at http://denisemrezsonya.com.
I
have debated whether I was going to write this post and if I would
actually publish it but after much prayer and inflection I have
decided to do so. It’s hard for me to let everyone in on my
private struggles but I can’t effectively help others if I don’t,
so here goes.
I’ve
decided that I’m like a Rubik’s cube. I’m hard to figure out –
just ask my husband! One day, I’ll have the white side all figured
out but then the rest of the cube is messed up, go figure! I can’t
figure myself out so it’s no wonder he can’t figure me out.
I
wonder if this perplexes the Rubik’s cube as well – “darn it I
just got my yellow side looking good and now the other sides are all
jumbled up!”
If
you’re one of the handful of people who have actually solved the
Rubik’s cube, I commend you. You have this whole life thing
figured out! For those of us who only seem to be able to figure out
one or two sides at a time, I’m talking to you!
A
couple of weeks ago, I had something thrown at me that I can only
call a trick by God. He was a little late on April Fools’ Day but
He got me good.
I
went to a local abuse advocacy group after I felt The Spirit
prompting me to go there to discuss speaking engagements. As I sat
down to meet with a very nice woman and we started talking, it became
clear that God had me there for other reasons. You see, my friends,
I have a bit of a traumatic history, as many of us with this type of
calling do.
I
have not dealt with that in a healthy way, choosing to ignore and
repress the situation, feeling like I was doing “okay.”
Outwardly I’ve got it together. My yellow side is looking good.
I’ve got a great husband, two awesome kids, a safe and wonderful
home and community.
The
blue side of my cube’s looking pretty good, I work out, try to eat
decent. The red side, not too shabby. I attend church regularly, I
pray daily. But man the remaining sides aren’t looking too hot.
Those sides are a jumbled mess and I can’t realistically solve
those sides of the puzzle without really figuring this complex cube
out.
So,
these next few weeks, I’ll be meeting with an advocate and digging
into all of this. While I’m not thrilled with feeling like the Big
Guy tricked me into getting me in there, He knew I needed to do this
and under the premise of helping others I was sure to follow through.
It’s
not easy to admit when you need help. It’s not easy to publicly
tell you that my life isn’t all sunshine and roses. But I went
into all of this to help others in their walk with Christ and I’m
committed to doing that.
There’s
no other way for me to do it than to share the good, the bad, and the
ugly. My Rubik’s cube is looking a bit messy right now but I’m
hoping to actually solve this darned thing and have it figured out
some day! That’s optimism, baby!
I
gotta tell ya, I’m feeling peace and relief knowing that it is
truly time for me to really deal with issues from my past. I was
caught very much off guard a couple of weeks ago when this all
happened but now I know the direction I must head and why, and that
brings me comfort and hope.
I
thought I could continue on through life leaving my cube unsolved and
that would be okay, but the truth is, it’s not okay. To get closer
to solving that puzzle, we gotta pick it up, twist the sides and try
to figure it out.
So,
what’s your Rubik’s cube looking like? Got some sides you need
to work on? If I can do it, you can too! I’ll be right there
alongside you going through it too, and I’m here to support you if
you need it. Don’t be afraid to contact me. This was a big step
for me so take that big step for you too!
So,
let’s see what the Big Guy has to say…
He
says He will give us strength: Phillipians 4:13 “I
can do all things through him who strengthens me.”
He
says He is near us and that our spirits can be rebuilt! Psalm 34:18
“The
LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.”
He
says if we are lost, there is hope that we can be found! Luke
15:6
“And
when he comes home, he calls together his friends and his neighbors,
saying to them, ‘Rejoice with me, for I have found my sheep which
was lost!”
For
anyone willing to throw up some prayers for me during this time, I
would sincerely appreciate it. I will readily admit that I’m
scared to finally sit down and really dig into this like I need to.
I am so thankful for all of you!
Be
blessed and be a blessing my friends!
Denise
End
Of Guest Post