5 Keys For Successfully Resolving Conflicts



By:  Bill and Teddy Rogers

All of us have had or, if we live long enough, will have conflicts in our personal relationships.  How we handle and resolve these conflicts is very important.

James 1:19 saysMy dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”

Here are the 5 keys needed to successfully resolve most of your conflicts.

KEY # 1: BE QUICK TO LISTEN

When we listen, we encourage the other person to talk.  Listening also helps us to understand the other person and where they are coming from.

Many of us do not really listen like we should because we are defensive, we assume we already know what they are going to say next, or we're thinking about what we're going to say back to them.

During A Conflict, Here Is What You Should Do:

  • Listen not merely with your ears, but observe and listen with your eyes;
  • Focus on what the other person is saying, not what you are thinking;
  • Consider the meaning behind the words without jumping to conclusions. 
      
    Note:  If you are not sure what you think they said, replay their statement back to them.
KEY # 2: BE SLOW TO SPEAK

God gave us two ears and one mouth. This may mean that we are to listen more and speak a whole lot less.

Here Are 4 Scriptures That Tell Us To
Limit What We Say During A Conflict.

Proverbs 10:19 says “In the multitude of words sin is not lacking, but he who restrains his lips is wise.”

Proverbs 17:27 says “He who has knowledge spares his words, and a man of understanding is of a calm spirit.”

Proverbs 21:23 says “Whoever guards his mouth and tongue keeps his soul from troubles.”

Ecclesiastes 5:3 says “For a dream comes through much activity, and a fool’s voice is known by his many words.”

KEY # 3: BE SLOW TO BECOME ANGRY

Ecclesiastes 7:9 says “Do not hasten in your spirit to be angry, for anger rests in the bosom of fools.”

Proverbs 16:32 says “He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.”

Ephesians 4:26 says “Be angry, and do not sin: do not let the sun go down on your wrath.”

Proverbs 29:22 says “An angry man stirs up strife, and a furious man abounds in transgression.”

Remember, words spoken in anger are very difficult if not impossible to retract.  Keep your words soft and sweet, you may have to eat them!

KEY # 4: BE LOVING AND KIND

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 says “Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”

You will never resolve any conflict by playing destructive games. Please don't ever do the following:

  • Blame the other person;
  • Think you know everything about the other person;
  • Insist that every detail be correct;
  • Rule by force – verbal or physical;
  • Compare the other person to someone else;
  • Act superior or “holier than thou”;
  • Bring up past conflicts that have nothing do do with the current conflict.

Key # 5: ATTEMPT TO SET THE STAGE BEFORE YOUR CONFLICT

  • Never have your conflict before eating a meal, going to church or a social event.
  • Never have your conflict when you or the other person are angry.
  • Have it in the right place when only the participants are involved ( never in front of children ).
  • Stay in control of your tone of voice.

Obviously, there are exceptions to the above, but if you use these 5 Keys and use them wisely, you should be able to successfully resolve most of your conflicts. 



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